3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
