i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
