Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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