I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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