he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
