you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
