To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
