Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
