just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize