I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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