I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
