yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
