How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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