I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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