I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
