that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
