My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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