I think my vagina is haunted
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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