Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
