I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
