& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
