I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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