Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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