Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
