Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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