Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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