Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
