Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
