I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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