Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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