Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
