I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
