You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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