the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
