All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
