if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
