I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
