shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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