he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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