Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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