4 words: hood of his car
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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