i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
