I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
