You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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