thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
