yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
