It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
