I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
