His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
