Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
