physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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