Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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