ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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