just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
