I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
