They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
