Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
