hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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