i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
