he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
did you just send me my own nude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
