hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
