Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
