just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
