remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
