yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize