I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
