I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's intense
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
