I must be too annoying 4 u.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
