I'm eating all of the evidence.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
