Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
