we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
