he shaved USA in his pubs
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
